Somehow along the way though, something has happened. Maybe it is no more that the initial enthusiasm wearing off, or the realization that each and every game will be a battle, or maybe I started trying too hard, or maybe not hard enough?
Whatever the reason the 'thing' I had before, that assumption that I was there to win has faltered. Doubts that I have no further to go than where I am now are a part of my mind set. I feel as if I have let myself down.
Now don't get me wrong, I love darts but there was maybe a bit of fire there before that isn't there now.
Do I get anywhere by just slogging away at it?
I wonder if I should play darts *shudder* 'just for fun'?
Maybe I should just give up. Not playing, but give up trying, give up thinking that that I have somewhere to go that isn't where i already am.
I strongly suspect that I am really and truly not going anywhere, but I also have a perspective that gives me a glimmer of hope.
The last little while I have been on holidays, and after that I was dog/house sitting and while I have had opportunities to play, I haven't had the chance to practice to keep my skills sharp, and only just now have I started to get back to my practice routines. Even then, that has been limited by a recent shoulder injury. Still I am hoping that a return to my normal practice schedule will help rebuild my shot to somewhat where it was before, but also along with it build my confidence.
Above and beyond that though what I need to rebuild is my belief, and I think ultimately that will not descend upon me like manna from heaven, but instead must be generated from within.
On a lighter note, I think I can also lay a little bit of the blame on my dart team. They are a great bunch, and I think there is maybe a little bit where I can gain enough enjoyment from the team doing well that the drive to keep my own performance in gear maybe slides a little. We have just come from winning the third division Summer championship, and in our first game of the Fall (full) season we handily beat a team that i honestly thought would give us a boat load of trouble. Team wise, things look good, and for better or worse I seem to have everyone's support as captain. (well likely because no one else wants to do it..)
I just need to step up and get the job done and assert myself on the oche. In stating that, I have to ask, just how much of darts is attitude and confidence? I'm thinking a significant degree, but only when it coincides with a proper and structured practice regimen.
I am the sort of person who is easily discouraged, so in a way this is not a surprise to me. The only question now is can I muster and maintain the self generated belief to overcome?
Probably not, but I like darts too much to quit or anything like that. Time will tell. I'm back to throwing a lot better so think I just need to stick to the practice!
You know another thing that is a bit of a concern for me is this very blog. You see, it is always about or revolves around darts, and most of the time that is fine as there is something to be said for having a nice, and there is nothing hewn by the Gods into the side of a mountain saying I can't write about non-darts related topics. It would just at this juncture feel awkward. Still, if I had the energy, resources and gravitas to pull it off, I could imagine writing about things beyond the realm of darts, but without leaving darts behind. The idea (if a somewhat harebrained one) is to somehow convince noteworthy persons to come out and shoot a game of darts with me while we discuss the issues of the day and then I write about it! The idea has it's shtick, and it does amuse me. I wonder if I can pull it off?
Maybe my dart game would be better if I didn't allow myself all these distractions!!
OK, well I'll leave you all know as i go off to figure out if Kissinger is still alive and whether or not he plays darts.
Kickstarter campaign anyone?
Thank you for reading! This could become a bitter chore indeed if not for all of you out there at the other end!
David 'The Abominable Throw Man' Sproull